


Overwhelming

by apologieslogan



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A Lot of Gay, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but not till later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-15 15:10:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apologieslogan/pseuds/apologieslogan
Summary: Logan has more insecurities than anyone can count. Everything comes crashing down on a particularly stressful day. How will he learn to cope?(I suck at summarizing pls read it lmao)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is really short I know :/ The angst comes in the next chapter!!! yay!!!

The early morning sun shone through the slits between the blinds, gently pulling Patton from his sleep. He lifted himself up to his elbow to look at the man, his boyfriend, in his arms. He loved the way Logan looked when he slept. None of his walls are up while he’s asleep, and for a few minutes after he wakes up while he builds those walls again. When Logan was asleep like this, Patton was free to count the faint freckles spattered across Logan’s nose and cheeks without his glasses covering the majority of them. Patton brings a hand up to caress Logan’s face, slowly waking him. 

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Patton sing-songs as Logan begins to shift awake.

“Good morning, Pat.” Logan grumbles, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he blinks up at Patton, giving him a small smile.

The two looked into each other’s eyes for way longer than necessary, slowly leaning in for a good morning kiss. 

“I love you.” Logan blushes.

“I love you more.” Replies Patton, kissing Logan again on the nose. 

The two go down to the kitchen for breakfast, taking their time. They have the place to themselves today since Roman managed to convince Virgil to accompany him on one of his outings, and they wouldn’t be back until late the next day.

“What plans do you have for today?” Patton asked, taking a sip of coffee.

“I’ve decided to take advantage of this day and try to get some work done.” Logan replied, scanning Patton’s face for any disappointment. Upon finding discontent on his lover’s face he continued.

“However, since we have no true obligations today, I have decided that you are my top priority, and I wish to spend the majority of the day with you, though I would appreciate at least a few hours to get some work completed, if that is fine with you.” He finished, a small smile on his face as he saw Patton’s face light up upon Logan’s words.

“Aww Logy, that sounds wonderful!” Patton gushed, a light blush spreading across his cheeks. “And don’t worry, I won’t keep you away from your work for too long. I was just thinking maybe we could watch a couple movies and cuddle for a few hours.” Patton suggested, his eyebrows furrowing as he activated his puppy eyes.

Logan stared into those eyes and felt his willpower diminish until it was nonexistent. 

“That sounds more than satisfactory, dear.” Logan said, fighting back a full-on smile at his adorable boyfriend’s face.

\--

Patton strolled up the stairs, on his way to check on Logan. After their movie marathon, Patton finally let Logan get some work done, albeit reluctantly. He just loved holding Logan in his arms so much. He knew Logan would never admit it, but he was actually a big softie and loved the feeling of being tucked inside of Patton’s arms. As Patton neared Logan’s room, he heard something that made him stop in his tracks. 

\--

Logan tore another page out of his notebook, crumbling it up and tossing it over his shoulder. He was way past being frustrated, and he was one the verge of having his emotions get the better of him. He has been working on various activities for quite some time now, and he was beginning to feel frantic. Although he did love his day spent with Patton, he had lost copious amounts of time that he could have been using to tend to his responsibilities. Logan groaned and pulled his hair, trying to force himself out of his mind and back to the matter at hand. 

As the time passed Logan began to feel more and more helpless, his thought process slowing as he got more and more frustrated at himself. On what felt like his hundredth attempt, put his head in his hands, his breathing loud and uneven; he was trying to back himself off the edge of the cliff, for fear that he would fall off and descend into full meltdown. Logan had only hit that type of emotional one other time before, and nobody had seen it. Just thinking about it causes his heartrate to quicken. As he sits there, breathing heavily, he hears footsteps. 

Logan tries desperately to regulate his breathing, but the prospect of being caught like this, by Patton of all people does the opposite effect. Tears spring to his eyes, and he wills them not to fall, trying his best not to blink and looking upwards.

Patton bursts through the door, never really getting the whole knocking thing down. 

“Hey, Logy, what are you up… to…” Patton drifts off, looking at his boyfriend, hair mussed, cheeks flushed red, and eyes watery. 

“Logan?” Patton says gently, trying not to startle him, “are you okay?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm hits.

Logan’s head snaps to Patton, and he can tell that Patton has already seen what a mess Logan is right now, and somehow that stings more than anything else. He briefly locks eyes with Patton before looking down, fiddling with his hands. His lower lip starts to wobble dangerously as he feels his chest begin to tighten. Breathing gets more difficult as he thinks about how Patton is about to see the worst version of Logan and there isn’t anything he can do about it. Logan knows that he is already far too overwhelmed to calm down. He never was good at regulating his emotions. Once they hit, they hit hard, and Logan was left, freefalling into his mind. Tears start to roll down his cheeks, slowly at first but then quicker, until it seems like an unending stream flowing from his eyes.

“Logan! Baby, you’re okay, just tell me what’s wrong. How can I help you?” Patton pleads, desperately trying to wipe away Logan’s tears as they slide down his face.

“I- you- and I- nothing’s working- failure. Sorry. I’m sorry” Logan stutters, barely able to form a complete thought; let alone a whole sentence. His inability to speak fuels the fire that is burning up Logan’s insides, and before either of them can catch it, Logan is plunging. He has gone off the deep end and is retreating far into his mind. A sense of helplessness overcomes him as he feels himself get further away from reality. Patton touching him is far too much. His tie around his neck and his glasses are too much. The shoes on his feet and his socks are too much. Everything is too much. He stands up, stumbling away from Patton to sit in the furthest corner of the room, ignoring the look of confusion on Patton’s face. He yanks off his tie and glasses, tossing them from him, not caring where they land. His shoes are next, and in the back of his mind, he takes note of how he takes far too long to untie them, his hands shaking violently the entire time. Soon, Logan is down to just his underwear and finally the feeling of too much has vanished.

The absence of clothing leads him to think of why he’s undressed in the first place, and shame inserts itself into Logan’s chest, beating at anything it can touch. Every single thought and insecurity that he has comes bubbling up to the surface. Inefficient. Cold. Emotionless. Useless. A waste. If you can’t even do what you’re meant to be doing then what are you even good for?

Patton stares, wide-eyed, at man he loves verbally attacking himself. Patton would be willing to bet that Logan doesn’t even know he’s saying these- these lies out loud. Patton feels tears drip down his face, his heart breaking at figuring out that the man he loves thinks so little of himself. He shakes his head as if he’s trying to get the words to fall back out of his ears. No. I need to help Logan. No time for tears. 

Logan is sobbing, breathless and an alarming shade of crimson as he grabs at his hair and pulls so hard that he cries out in pain. He repeats the action again and again, as if it’s part of a routine. Patton desperately hopes that isn’t the truth. When Logan finds that pulling his hair doesn’t hurt enough, he transitions to slamming his fists against his thighs. He needs to feel something, anything besides the dozens of emotions in his head that are swirling around so quick he can’t put a name to them. His skin is too tight. Out. He needs to get out. He changes his methods once more, from slamming his fists to scratching himself. He scratches his stomach and his legs. He picks at his arms, drawing blood. Not enough. You never do enough. He moves his hands from his arms to his face, pulling and scratching and pinching until his face is a mess of blood and it stings. He can feel hands pulling his away, holding them in place. 

“No!” Logan cry-shouts, “It’s not enough. It’s not enough. I need to do more. It doesn’t hurt enough.” He blubbers, barely distinguishable. 

Patton freezes in his place, completely shocked and terrified at this side of Logan. He prays that this isn’t something that happens often. He prays that this is the first time this has happened. He snaps back to the issue at hand, and sees that Logan is back to clawing at his already mussed up face. He goes back to grab Logan’s hands again, trying his best to use a soothing voice to pull his boyfriend out of this…episode. 

Logan’s tears stopped what feels like hours ago, but he is now hyperventilating to the point where Patton fears he may pass out. He tries desperately to get Logan to calm down and get his breathing in order. He sees the exact moment where Logan is destined to faint, and he scrambles to support his head and neck as Logan’s eyes roll to the back of his head and his body slumps forward.

Patton lowers Logan to the floor as if he’s made of porcelain. He lays him on his side, grabbing a pillow and tucking it under his head. Patton feels like he has been thrown into the middle of a maze. Although he is ashamed to admit it, he hadn’t thought Logan capable of showing such emotions; of retreating that far into one’s mind. He observes the oozing scratches all around his boyfriend’s body and moves to get supplies to clean them when he stops in his tracks, deciding to wait until Logan wakes to clean his wounds, not wanting to disturb his much-needed sleep. As he watches over Logan sleeping, he can only hope that Logan will use that brilliant brain of his to explain his… meltdown to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay another short chapter!! this is literally so self indulgent and angsty. sorry, Logan. You must suffer because you're my favorite.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Patton have a little heart to heart about the things Logan's been keeping from Patton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I! SUCK! AT! SUMMARIES! Takes place directly after the last chapter.

Logan wakes up on the floor next to his bed to the sound of sniffling. Patton. He thinks. Wait why is Patton crying?

“What happened?” Logan grumbles, hands moving up to rub down his face. Patton quickly catches his Logan’s hands in his, gripping tightly. Patton looks Logan in the face, pain in his eyes.

“Oh, Logan.” Patton starts, picking at the carpet next to his crossed legs. “I was so scared for you. I’ve never seen you behave that way before. You were taking your clothes off and scratching your legs, arms, and face. It’s like you weren’t even here.” Patton continues, voice breaking.

Oh, Logan thinks.

“Oh.”

Patton nods, a sad look in his eyes.

“You were saying all these terrible things about yourself and I just.” Patton chokes on his words. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you. I’m so so sorry that you had all those horrible feelings inside of you and I couldn’t help you. Logan, your face, baby…” Patton strains, his face crumbling before Logan’s eyes.

Logan reaches for Patton, but stops upon seeing his blood caked under his fingernails. He stares at them, still trembling. It all begins coming back to him. The worthlessness, the frustration, the tears, the feeling of being overwhelmed.

“I’m sorry.” Logan whispers.

Patton freezes.

“…What? Why are you sorry? Baby, I should have done more for you!” Patton exclaims.

Logan shakes his head left and right, almost frantically.

“No. No, no, no Patton this isn’t your fault. I should have told you about these…episodes before we got together. It’s only happened one time before and I was foolish enough to think it wouldn’t happen again.” Logan rambles.

“What triggered it?” Patton asks, looking at Logan as if he were made of glass.

“I was just trying to do my job. You know- make schedules and the like. Nothing was working and I was running out of time and-” Logan cuts himself off, taking a deep breath.

The two looked at each other, neither really knowing what to say. Finally, Patton breaks the silence.

“Logan, do you really think that all those things you said about yourself are true?” Patton asks.

The silence that follows breaks Patton’s heart.

“Patton?” Logan calls out into the quiet of the room, his voice breaking again.

“Yes, baby?” Patton pleads, eager to do anything to take Logan’s pain away. He looks Logan in the eyes, heart crumbling at the pure vulnerability and fear on Logan’s face.

“I don’t want this to happen again.” He says, voice trembling in trepidation. “I don’t want to scare you again. I don’t want to pass out again. I don’t want to scratch my skin like this again. It hurts, Pat. It hurts.” Logan finishes, dissolving into tears.

Patton watches Logan curl in on himself, his entire frame shaking, and Patton never realized how sensitive Logan actually is, and how small he tries to make himself, especially in this moment. With a battered heart, Patton reaches out to Logan, only to have him flinch away. Patton knows Logan doesn’t mean anything by it, but it still stings.

“S-sorry,” Logan stutters, “I don’t want you to touch me until I’ve showered, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay, Logan.” Patton says, nodding his head. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be right here.”

Logan nods, and stands up, heading towards the bathroom.

Once Logan gets to the bathroom he locks the door. He turns to look in the mirror and is appalled at what he sees. His arms and legs look about the same as they did last time he had an episode, so he isn’t surprised. What shocks him is the way his face looks. He has multiple scratches along his face, wounds that he won’t be able to hide. Some are still slowly bleeding. He swallows past a lump in his throat. He’s ashamed that the only person kind enough to love him has seen him at his very worst. Logan turns the shower on as hot as possible and he lets go, quietly sobbing into the empty bathroom. He hopes Patton can’t hear him.

Patton bites his lip as he hears Logan crying in the shower. He wants nothing more than to go in there and hold his baby until he feels better. He starts to tidy up the room and fold the clothes Logan threw off of his body, putting his glasses on his nightstand and hanging his tie back up. He had a feeling this shower was going to be long.

\--

The two lay in bed hours later, facing each other. Logan still hasn’t let himself be held by Patton yet, and it’s killing the both of them. Logan reaches out a hand, and Patton grabs it before Logan can change his mind. Logan looks at their joined hands and feels his bottom lip tremble. He’s sick and tired of crying, but he’s always so prone to it after an episode, if the last one is anything to go by. He feels Patton cup his cheek, and they lock eyes.

“Talk to me.” Patton begs.

“I’m embarrassed. I’m angry. I’m sad.” Logan whispers.

“Those are all valid feelings, Lo.” Patton replies, brushing his hair out of his face, trying to not look at the raw, pink scratches on Logan’s face.

“I’m scared that if I don’t do my job absolutely perfectly one hundred percent of the time, you all will feel as if I am no longer important to you. It’s my biggest fear. All I want is to make you all proud.” Logan admits, and Patton has to strain to hear the last sentence.

“Logan, you will always- look at me,” Patton pleads, “You will always be important to us. Especially me. We are all always proud of you. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t get anything done, you know that? You’re our foundation. We will always need, and want, you.” Patton finished, gripping Logan’s hand tighter than he needed to.

Logan looked anywhere but Patton’s eyes. His boyfriend had said everything he had needed to hear and he didn’t know how to handle it.

“Thank you, Pat. You’re perfect. I love you so much.” Logan chokes out, subtly scooting closer to Patton.

“I love you more, Logan. Do you want to try to get some rest? Roman and Virgil get back tomorrow.”

Oh right. Logan had forgotten about them. How was he going to explain the scratches on his face?

Patton notices how stock-still Logan had gone.

“Hey. We’ll cross any bridge that comes in our way when we get to it. Don’t worry about anything right now.” Patton reassures, ruffling his hair. He desperately wants to hold Logan, but only if he asks for it.

“Okay, Patton. Thank you.” Logan replies.

Patton nods, looking at Logan. There is a loud, awkward silence.

“Um, Pat?” Logan whispers into the darkness.

“Yes, Logy?” Patton answers, trying not to get his hopes up.

“Can you- will you…” Logan pauses, huffing out a frustrated breath. “Will you hold me?” He asks, looking down, preparing himself for when Patton says no, why would I ever want to hold you agai-

“Baby, you don’t ever have to ask, okay? You know I love holding you.” Patton interrupts Logan’s spiraling, waiting for Logan to turn around so he can meld himself against the other.  
Logan can feel Patton breathing into his neck, and he feels an intense wave of calm wash over him. He feels himself relaxing as he hears one more thing come out of his boyfriend’s mouth.

“I love you, Logan.” Patton mumbles.

“I love you more, Patton.” Logan grins, letting the silence fall over them once again, except this time it isn’t awkward, its calm and relaxing. They both drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update more frequently I'm so sorry,,,,, I've been job hunting


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not super proud of this but it took a lot out of me to crank this out!

The first thing Logan noticed when he woke up was that Patton was wrapped around him as tight as physically possible. Logan had no qualms about that. Patton was still asleep, so Logan allowed himself to just enjoy admiring his boyfriend’s face. He trailed his hands across Patton’s cheekbones, moving to trace against his jaw. Logan felt so much love for the man in front of him. The man who lets him put his guard down and be himself without fear of judgement. The man who saw Logan at his very worst and not only chose to stay, but felt guilt for not helping sooner. Logan leaned in to gently press his lips against Patton’s, love surging in his chest and making it hard to breathe. He clung to Patton the way Patton clung to him. As he lay there, overcome with emotions, he felt his boyfriend start to rouse. 

Patton woke up to a very cuddly, affectionate Logan. He looked down to see his boyfriend clinging onto him for dear life. Patton tightened his grip on Logan, feeling indescribable love for the man in his arms.

“What a wonderful way to wake up.” Patton says, voice still gravely with sleep.

“I agree.” Logan says, a faint blush coloring his cheeks.

“You ready to face the day?” Patton asks, stretching his arms over his head as Logan twists around to crack his spine, a nasty habit that Patton wishes he would quit.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Logan says, a determined look on his face. They both can hear the underlying fear in his words.

\--

the two were cuddled up on the couch, not doing anything in particular, just basking in the feeling of each other’s presence. The day had gone by smoothly, both of them being soft and sweet with each other, erasing last night out of their heads. Patton had made no comments about the scratches on Logan’s face, but he had noticed that they were a lot more visible today, turning from light pink after they were freshly cleaned to an irritated red. Neither of them wanted to talk about how they were going to explain the scratches to the other two when they got home, for fear that it would set one, or both, of them off. 

It was about thirty minutes later that Roman and Virgil came bursting through the door. 

“Greetings, beloved!” Roman shouted at the room. Virgil gave a small wave.

“Hey there, sweethearts!” Patton said, waving at the two. Logan stayed quiet.

Roman and Virgil went to join the other two on the couch.

“I can’t wait to tell you all about our outing! It was so romantic. I think it’s safe to say that I outdid myself, once again.” Roman boasted, squeezing Virgil’s hands in his. “But first, I require a welcome home kiss from each of my beautiful boyfriends.” Roman finished, crouching in front of Patton. 

Roman took Patton’s face in his hands as he looked deep into his eyes. he leaned forward and gave Patton a beautiful fairy tale kiss. He turned to give Logan the same treatment but stopped when he saw Logan crouched in on himself, refusing to meet Roman or Virgil head-on.

“Logan? Everything okay, dear?” Roman asked.

Logan nodded. He couldn’t let them see his face like this. He knew he looked like a mess and he really didn’t want to deal with what was to come, but he knew he had to. He slowly looked up, eyes focusing on Virgil first, who immediately saw the scratches and let out a small gasp. Logan winced at his reaction and turned to Roman. Roman’s eyes widened as he took in the sight before him. There were multiple scratches on both of Logan’s cheeks, angry red and glaring at him. Roman felt his pulse jump. Whatever it was that did this to his harmless boyfriend would have to pay the price.

Logan took Roman’s silence as disgust and covered his face with his hands, leaving a small gap for him to look out of. 

“Oh, dearheart, no. Don’t cover up. What happened to you? What beast attacked you in this way?” Roman pleaded, desperate to get justice for Logan.

Beast. Roman called him a beast. Logan knew he never would have said that if he knew that these were self-inflicted scratches, but the word still hurt. To Logan’s surprise, he felt tears collecting in his eyes, filling too quickly for him to catch up. 

Virgil was the first one to notice the tear fall down Logan’s face, and he sprang into action, wiping the tear away as quickly as it formed, but as another tear fell down his face, and another and another, Virgil knew this was something they were going to have to ride out.

Roman went from confused to alarmed as soon as he saw the tears stream down Logan’s face. He looked to Patton to ask what he should do, but the look in Patton’s eyes was pure heartbreak and protection. Patton knew something he didn’t.

“Patton?” Roman started, shifting from foot to foot. “What happened?”

“Well…” Patton began, looking to Logan for permission to tell the story of what had happened the previous night. Upon seeing Logan nod, he proceeded to tell the tale. “You guys might want to sit down for this one. It’s kind of a long story…”

\--

By the time Patton was done telling they tale behind Logan’s scratches, tears were streaming down his face, as well as Roman’s and Virgil’s. The entire time Patton was recounting the story, Logan was curled up into a ball, refusing to look at anyone else. He kept on thinking about how he felt the whole time during his episode, and how helpless Patton looked once he came back to his senses. Logan noticed he was shaking more than he had been the since he woke up that morning, and a considerable amount of fear coursed through him, terrified that he was going to fall into another episode.

The three turned their attention to Logan, and the sight broke their hearts. Logan was curled up into a ball, shaking so hard that they feared he would fall apart. Virgil was the first to react. 

“Oh, Logan. Are you okay? Can I touch you?” He asked, making sure to keep his voice soft.

Silence.

“Logan? Logan? Can you hear us?” Patton said, trying to suppress the worry in his voice.

Nothing. Logan continues to sit and shake, small whimpers coming out of his mouth.

“Oh, God. Please not again.” Patton mumbles under his breath.  
Roman stares at Logan in horror. His poor boyfriend trapped in his own mind like that pulled on his heartstrings. Roman knows he should ask before touching Logan but the need to protect was far greater in his eyes. He puts a single hand between Logan’s shoulder blades.

Logan lets out a panicked yelp, sitting up as straight as possible. Roman quickly takes his hand away, guilt flooding his being at scaring Logan so badly. He moves to apologize for startling Logan but the look in his eyes stops him. 

Logan looks terrified. His eyes are darting back and forth across the room, as if waiting for something to attack him. He can feel the fear begin to take over again, and he chokes out a sob.

“Logan!” Patton cries, “Please, baby, if you can hear us lift your finger or nod your head, something. Please.”

The others hold their breath as they wait for Logan to respond. 

“I can- I can hear you.” Logan whimpers, trying his best to calm down before it’s too late.

“What do you need us to do?” Virgil asks, hand hovering over Logan’s arms, wanting to wrap him in a hug, but knowing that it’s a bad idea. 

“Help. Help me. It’s going to happen again.” Logan chokes out. “I- I don’t- I don’t want that to happen again. Please! Someone help me.” 

The other three sides can feel their hearts breaking at the pleading tone in Logan’s voice. Patton is the first to break, silent tears dripping down his face at seeing his boyfriend look so helpless. Roman can feel tears well up in his eyes, but he needs to stay strong and help Logan out of this. Virgil is watching on in horror, terrified for Logan.

“Logan, I’m going to touch you now, okay?” Roman says cautiously, slowly closing in on Logan. Logan doesn’t reply.

Roman wraps his arms around Logan, running his hand up and down his back. Logan cries out, jolting in his grip and begins to shake harder, but the longer he remains in Roman’s arms, the calmer he feels. After he stops struggling, he feels his body go lax, tucking his face into Roman’s neck. He looks like he’s trying to get as close as possible to the prince. He goes completely silent.

“Logan? You still with us, buddy?” Virgil asks, running his hands through his hair. 

Roman felt Logan nod into his neck.

“Sweetheart, we don’t want to push, but I think we need to have a discussion about this.” Patton said, squeezing Logan’s hands in his.

Logan nodded, finally sitting up straight. Nobody said anything about his bloodshot eyes or his still trembling hands. 

“I would like to apologize for my emotional outburst just now.” Logan starts, a weak tremor in his voice. “I find myself to be more… emotional, for a few days after these episodes. I will try to keep it under control.” 

“You will do no such thing!” Virgil objects. “How many times have you guys had to take extra precaution around me after a bad episode? Why would we not do the same for you?”

“Virgil’s right, dear.” Roman added, moving to sit with his legs folded underneath him. “If the issue is that you feel as if you are burdening us, you must know that is not the case. We want to make sure you’re okay, so that these episodes don’t become a common occurrence.” 

Logan nodded, preparing himself for a long-winded conversation. 

“I find myself unsure of where to begin this discussion, so if any of you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them.”

“How many times has this happened?” Virgil asked, preparing himself for an answer he didn’t want to hear.

“This will be the second time.” Logan answered, looking on in slight amusement as Roman and Virgil breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Thank God. If this had been going on for a countless amount of times, I don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself for letting you suffer in silence.” Roman said, slouching into the couch.

“Even if it had been, it wouldn’t be your fault. I made a mistake by not telling you three that I was prone to these episodes.”

“Logan, I don’t think you should be blaming yourself over this either. There really isn’t anyone to blame here. I’m sorry that it took you reaching your breaking point for us to find out, but that doesn’t make it any more your fault, babe.” Patton said, looking eagerly at Logan.

Logan flushed to his ears, noticing that that all sides were looking at him. 

“Yes, I suppose.” Logan said, fixing his tie. “The only thing to do is put it past us.”

“Wait. Question number two over here! Why do these happen?” Roman asked.

Logan flushed even more, feeling heat at the back of his neck. Was he ready to tell the other two about his insecurities? He just told Patton and he was emotionally compromised when he did so! What if the other two looked at him differently? What if they no longer took him seriously? What if-

“Logan! You okay?” Roman asked, a worried look on his face. “We lost you there for a second.”

“Yes. Well- in regard to the reason why these episodes happen- they are very similar to Virgil’s anxiety attacks. During great times of stress, I begin to think many… illogical things that do nothing but send me off the metaphorical deep end.”

“Think illogical things like what?” Virgil asked, though he already knew the answer.

Everyone waited in nervous silence as they allowed Logan to muster up the courage to tell them. 

“I have certain… insecurities.” Logan said, unwilling to delve deeper, though he knew he had to.

Everyone just stared, waiting for him to elaborate. 

Logan let out a shaky breath, scratching lightly at his wrists. Roman quickly snared his hands in one of his. 

“Absolutely not. I get that you’re nervous to open up to us, dear, but I will not have you scratching yourself any longer.” Roman said, a look of pain in his eyes as he rubbed his thumbs over Logan’s pink wrists.

Logan looked around him, at his three wonderful boyfriends who were so willing to be there for him, and he felt awful.

“I don’t deserve you three.” Logan said, looking down. “You are all so amazing, and loving, and kind, and I truly cannot comprehend why you would want to be romantically involved with me.” He admitted, tensing up as he waited for a response. As he heard nothing, he continued to speak, all his thoughts flowing out of his mouth.

“All I want to do is make you all proud. I work so hard and so frequently because I thought that maybe one day I would feel like I’ve done enough to deserve your love.” He said, taking in a shaky breath. “But it is never enough- I never do enough. I realize that no amount of work I do is going to make me feel like I deserve to be with you, and the feelings of inadequacy are becoming unbearable.” He finishes, chancing a look at all of them. What he sees shocks him into stillness.

All three of his boyfriends, his wonderful, caring boyfriends are in tears at Logan’s words. Patton has his hand covering his mouth, small whimpers spilling out as tears run over his hand.

Virgil is looking at his lap, twisting his hands together, shaking. He never wanted Logan to think the same things he thought, and it broke his heart.

And Roman. Roman was sat on the floor directly in front of Logan, his head in his knees. There were no tears, yet. He was overwhelmed. He felt angry, and sad, and confused, and guilty. God, did he feel guilty. His fragile, beautiful Logan thought so little of himself and it broke his heart. He needed to fix this.  
“Logan. I know this isn’t an issue you fix overnight, but you have to listen to me and take my words seriously.” Roman started, determination in his eyes. “We adore you. You are smart, and complex, and caring in your own unique ways. You don’t need to prove yourself to us, we already love you. We always will.”

Logan was at war with himself. He knew all of the sides were unlikely to lie to him, but he also knew they were likely to say nice things just to placate him. He didn’t know what to believe. 

The others must have seen the confusion on his face, because suddenly he was surrounded in warm touches. Patton was rubbing his back while Virgil was running hand through his hair. Roman was holding his hands, kissing his knuckles delicately. Logan felt a powerful surge of love run through him. 

“I love you. I love you all so much. I’m so sorry for-”

“No need for apologies, Logan. We understand.” Virgil said, a sad smile on his face.

It all clicked for Logan. He wasn’t the only one with insecurities. He wasn’t the only one with doubts. All three of his boyfriends had felt less than at one point or another.

Logan was at a loss for words. How could he let such things eat him up when he knows that his boyfriends are all willing to sit with him and help him work through his problems, like he has for them? Like Virgil said, they understand.

“Logan? You on Earth?” Roman asked, the silence coming from Logan unsettling him.

Logan locked eyes with Roman and gave a small smile. “Yes. I’ve just come to realization that my hiding things from you was a bit unnecessary and stupid.”

The other three started to protest, but Logan cut them off. 

“I mean, why would I have to hide things from you when I know that you won’t view me any differently? I just… assumed you all would.”

“You jumped to a conclusion.” Virgil said, a smile on his face.

Logan mirrored his smile, nodding gently. “That, I did, Virgil.”

The four lapsed into a content silence, basking in each other’s presence.

“You know what would make this even better, you guys?” Patton asked, an excited glint in his eyes.

“A cuddle-fest!” Roman and Patton shouted together, making the other two laugh at their antics.

Roman snapped everyone into their favorite pajamas while Patton went to the kitchen to put together a snack tray.

As everyone settled in for the night, Logan looked around. All of his boyfriends curled around each other did wonders to his heart, and he found himself smiling at them.

“What’s on your mind, teach?” Patton asked, running a hand through Logan’s hair.

“Nothing. I just love you all.”

As a chorus of ‘we love you too’ rang back out at him, Logan felt himself relax for the first time in days. How could he not? He was surrounded by his loving boyfriends, and that was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!!


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